18 Months

Baby A turned 18 months while we were in Oregon for Thanksgiving, and ended her 18th month the day after Christmas in Venice, Italy. 

"Say bye to the horses."

Our visit to Oregon was relaxing. I went into town with her grandma and she recorded a special message to put in a Build-a-Bear that she gave her. Baby A loves pressing the paw and hearing her voice and message. Her grandma was also sure to wear her beautiful necklace with chocolate diamonds that will be A's some day.

While we had a difficult 10 minutes on the flight up (when we inadvertently threw away a Starbuck's cup she had become quite attached to), she was a dream on the flight home, in spite of her nap only being one hour instead of three. She didn't cry at all.

When I set the goal of No TV under Three I should have added: *Or, until the holidays roll around and I want to watch Christmas specials with her and also give her something to do on flights. On the flight home she watched some of the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, and also did some sorting activities on my iPad. Right now I'm probably watching part of one movie once a week with her, and her attention span seems to grow by the week. She's getting pretty good at using her finger to match numbers on her iPad. I've actually heard that it is good for them to practice with technology when they're young so it is not a second language to them. I'm going with it.

When we returned from Oregon, she was most excited about her books. She ran to her little book shelf and handed me several, along with saying "book." The 'k' is almost silent when she says it. I only found one book up there to read to her, and I think she missed our nightly routine of reading 5 before bed. The other night, I read her quite a few, and turned off the light. We had her glow pet horse next to us, and she repeated the most desperate plea for a "book, book!" I'm not sure if she really wanted another story or was just trying to avoid going to bed, but I picked up "I am a Bunny" and used the glow of the horse to read it. She snuggled down, and was off to dream-land in no time.

We made a major car purchase while we were in Oregon. Meaning, it is a major, substantial car - pretty much the largest you can own without making a spectacle of yourself. I read it weighs 6,000 pounds, and the 10 miles to the gallon I'm getting would support that. I am now the proud owner of a 2016 black Chevy Suburban, thanks to my husband who was able to get it for 25% off MSRP! I absolutely love driving it and feel very safe, one of our main motivators for getting something so large. Just three weeks ago, I was about to make a left with a green arrow when a girl blew through her red light at 40 MPH, texting. She was in a Toyota 4Runner, which a mini-van would not have been a match for. Plus, driving a mini-van just does not fit the image I have of myself. I'm not sure what "image" I should have of myself as a Mom of almost two approaching 40, but driving a mini-van is just not it. So, I worked the safety angle with my husband and it worked.

I wish the Christmas season was 2-3 months instead of only one. With few weekends to spare, we wasted no time getting into the swing of it, having breakfast with Santa at Pretend City on that first Saturday in December. She screamed when we sat down next to the stoic Santa (to her credit, he did seem stern) but was off and running around for the next two hours, having a blast. That evening, we went over to Aunt Cassandra's for dinner. She gave her a dog which she is still carrying around every morning and takes with her to bed. The next day, we went to mass, followed by lunch where she had a blast chasing birds: 

After her nap, my Dad and brother visited while we decorated the tree. I didn't think we would have a problem with her taking off ornaments if I allowed her to touch them, and didn't make a big deal by forbidding it. I put any special, breakable ones out of reach at the top, and cute ones I knew she would like toward the bottom. It worked! There was one rocking horse she wanted to take off, but I told her it stays on the tree, and showed her how to kiss it, which she now does every night and randomly throughout the day.

While we were decorating, I had on Christmas music and we had the cutest impromptu dance party when the Peanuts theme song came on. She let out a little excited squeal and ran over to stare at the 360 speaker. I turned it up, and started dancing with her. Then grandpa joined in. She stepped really fast, marching almost, while she spun around in a circle. She went one way, then turned the other direction. Torn between being in the moment and documenting this cuteness on video, I only caught the tail end of it.

On the 7th, as I was walking her into daycare, she pointed to the sign and said "bee!" I hadn't noticed before, but there was a drawing of one on there. Then, as we passed through the gates, she exclaimed "house!" while pointing to their plastic play houses. Finally, "car!" She will name things when she can (ball, dog, cat, baby) but this was the very first time she picked out three in a row, and bee is a new one. She's been pointing to a bee in her animal book, but never in a different context.

On Friday, night we went to the local tree lighting with our neighbor friends. We woke up on Saturday morning and walked to the park. No one was there, but she had so much fun playing - more than she's ever had at a park. She's able to go up the stairs and down the slides by herself now. After her nap that day, we went to Knott's Merry Farm with my Dad and brother. She loved seeing Snoopy and was fascinated by the fast roller coasters that zoomed by the train area.

On Sunday, we had fun with some sooper beads that I bought on Amazon before going to Home Depot and Lowes to look at ideas for two of our bathrooms (master and the 1/2  bath) that are outdated. They are in desperate need of an update to match the guest bath. She had as much fun walking around the home improvement stores as she does at Pretend City or Disneyland! Especially when I take her over to something mundane (to us) like the carpet samples and let her touch everything. She had a blast! 

On Monday the 12th, we took the train to see Santa at Irvine Regional park. We had the 4-5pm time slot and it was perfect...not crowded at all. Santa is still scary to her, which made for a cute picture. Afterwards, we went straight to our gender reveal dinner and learned when our family and friends did that she is going to be a big sister to a little sister! Another girl! A best friend for life!

So blessed to be growing our family!

On Thursday the 15th she had her first Christmas "performance" (and I use the term loosely) at daycare. It was so cute to see her up on stage though, trying to put santa ears on her classmate. We celebrated Christmas early with my father and brother on the Saturday before. She was a bit overwhelmed by all the presents, and made out like a bandit! A big hit was the Veggie Tales Noah's Arc that my brother gave her. She said "cool" clear as day followed by "animals."

 

On December the 22nd we flew from LAX to Venice, with a short layover in Zurich. This time, we were both a whole lot less nervous about how she would do on the flight and also once we were there, because we had the summer's trip under our belt. The day before, my husband was booking our train tickets from Venice to Milan for NYE and I asked him how long the ride was. "Oh, piece if cake!" was my reply to him telling me "only three hours." When you've done multiple train rides lasting over 6 hours, 3 hours seems like a breeze.

Our flight was full, so she did not have her own seat this time. Thankfully, our seats did go fully flat, but they were still not very wide. And she likes to sleep like a starfish. But I still managed to get about 5 hours of (interrupted) sleep, more than I was hoping for.

Once again, she adjusted remarkably well to the 8 hour time difference! That first night, on the eve of Christmas Eve, she went to sleep at 9pm, and slept until after breakfast at 11am! We were all awake somewhere between 3 and 5am, but it was kind of nice all snuggling and talking.

"Childhood means simplicity. Look at the world with the child's eye - it is very beautiful." -Kailash Satyarthi

Our first full day was Christmas Eve. We took the free shuttle boat over to San Marco and explored the area around St. Mark's square, including the Bridge of Sighs. We had lunch overlooking Rialto bridge and did some grocery shopping.

The Bridge of Sighs

The Grand Canal

Christmas day walk.

On Christmas day, we went exploring the residential island of Giudecca, where our hotel was located. We found a playground, dogs, pigeons for her to chase and loved looking at the quaint little homes with their laundry strung on clothes-lines. We passed by one small apartment and an elderly man was singing a beautiful song in Italian. I wanted to stop and listen, but it didn't seem right so we just enjoyed it as we continued on, not knowing where we were walking to or what would be around the next bend.

Things I do not want to forget about this month:

• When she sees Santa (image, or the real deal) she lets out a singular "Ho." Just one.
• Kissing me on the cheek, spontaneously, when I went to her breakfast with Santa at daycare.
• Forgetting I had changed into a shirt with a grisly bear on it, I was quickly reminded when she saw it, pointed, and let out the most ferocious "Rawr!" she could muster.
• The excited squeal she lets out when I say "I'm going to get you!" before she takes off running.
• Walking backwards at the airport on our way to Oregon.
• New words: Sunshine, cool, ouchie, book, cold, rawr, boat, baa, animal, Dory, bow, bee, house, car. Previous words: Dada, cat, tea (and some letters of the alphabet), fish, eye, cheese, no, mommy, more, mooo, ruff, baby, my, Nana, uh-oh, MoMo, baba, hi, bye, dog).
• "Mommy, Dada" as she introduces us to people, or just says randomly while also pointing.
• Snuggling like sardines in business class.
• Jumping on the bed together in our hotel room.

Food:
Pasta, pasta, pasta! Also loves scrambled eggs and tangerines. She ate two the day after Christmas on our walk around the canals.

It's A(nother) GIRL!

After a small dinner last night with family and my best friend, we cut open our gender reveal cake. We found out when everyone else did that Baby A is going to have a little sister; a best friend for life!

We are beyond thankful to be having a second child, because there was a time when we were uncertain we would even have a first. When our first IVF failed we were only left with payments on the $20,000 that we financed, because we didn't even have any left embryos to freeze. Everyone (it seems) has embryos left to freeze, and we fully expected that we would too. It was a hard pill to swallow, and I will never forget that day. Although I was disheartened and afraid of never becoming a mother, I wiped the tears off my face and went for a run with my husband. This was right in the middle of my Mom teaching me one of the greatest life lessons: How to have Grace in the face of fear, pain, despair, and even death. How could I feel sorry for myself with a negative pregnancy test when she did not spend one minute feeling sorry for herself with terminal brain cancer? Calling her and delivering the news broke my heart, but she took it in stride, knowing that it would all work out as part of a greater plan. She always had faith that things would work out, and everything would be fine.

And I thank God every day that first IVF failed. Because if it had worked, I would have a different 1 1/2 year old and not my baby girl. It was meant to not work. We were meant to have her. By the time I POAS and had that amazing positive result, Mom's health had declined dramatically. She shared our joy from her bed in our spare bedroom, the bedroom that will now be this new baby's nursery. My husband recorded me telling her, though I am not strong enough to watch it just yet. We lost her the day after we heard Baby A's heartbeat, when I was only 6 weeks pregnant.

With that pregnancy, I knew it would last, and that she would be fine...no, perfect, because I had to believe that to get me through. The hope of having her was my sunshine in my darkest of days. This concerned my more practical, plan-for-the-worst-case-scenario husband, because he knew I had so much riding on it.

Never one to feel a compelling desire to have children, he was the one that suggested we try for a 3rd round of IVF. Now that he had Baby A, he felt a strong desire to have a second, and to give her a sibling. Family for her when we are gone. "Are you sure? What if we spend another $20,000 for nothing?" I asked. "Well, then we know we tried, and we will not always wonder 'what if?'" It was then that we began looking into IVF abroad. We all know how that worked out (it didn't).

But again, there was a plan, and a reason Prague didn't work out. We bit the bullet and went with HRC Newport Beach for a cost of about $15,000 (including meds). Neither of us expected it to work. In fact, we were told that there was a 10% chance that it would. On embryo transfer day, I fully expected to be told that we did not have any make it to day three. I was astounded that we had three, but reminded myself that the chance of success for a day three transfer was much, much lower than a hardier day five blastocyst. 

This time, when we received the positive test at home and then the official blood test, we were still worried. Would the HCG continue to rise? Was this just a chemical pregnancy? Was something wrong with the baby? It sounds silly, but part of the reason I was worried was because I felt like we were pushing our luck. We already felt like we were abundantly blessed - how could there be more?

An hour before we found out!

When we found out last week at week 11 that all the genetic testing was fine, we knew we were really in the clear. I was so relieved because the chances that something would be seriously wrong with our baby was as high as 1 in 66. Though I was nervous as we sliced into the cake together, I knew I would be happy with either outcome because there was another outcome. Another healthy child. A sibling for our little girl. Another little girl.

Almost too excited to sleep, I woke up excited all over again. I'm not going to lie, a serious part of that excitement has to do with the fact that this baby has a head start on having a fantastic wardrobe. And she will even be born in the same season as our first - how perfect is that? Not to mention matching outfits for the two of them, and the combination birthday parties that I can throw with the girliest of themes (think: Cinderella, spa or tea party, Alice in Wonderland). 

But the best part? She's going to have a best friend for life. Someone who looks up to her; someone she can share life's joys and sorrows with. A built-in playmate that will grow up to be a trusted confidant. Maybe they will even travel the world together after we're gone. I imagine them sitting in a cafe somewhere in Europe, reminiscing about the travels and adventures they had with us when they were young. 

17 Months

The first weekend of Baby A's 17 month started with a visit to Disneyland where she learned an important life skill: Waiting in line. Somehow, she realized that we couldn't move forward until everyone did, and patiently waited by my side while we were in line for the carousel, Dumbo, Casey's train and the tea cups. She liked looking at the other children who were waiting in line, and pointed at a girl's shirt because it had Nemo on it.

We attended mass the next day, and had not been in awhile. Again, she did really well sitting in her own chair and standing in our aisle. She loves watching the choir and smiling at the people behind us.

Halloween was a blast! She had a costume parade at her school, and I loved sitting on the wall with the other parents and seeing her come out in her costume, holding Jamie's hand. As soon as she saw me, her face lit up. After school, I picked her up and we went to the Tustin Halloween Howl, an event put on by our city. She received 'honorable mention' for her costume, and we were called onto the stage to receive her award, a bag of goodies and a few gift cards.  

We had family over for pizza and mummy dogs before heading out to trick-or-treat with her cousins on our street. Again, she wore her costume with no problems. By the second house, she seemed to get the idea of taking the candy when offered and putting it in her personalized pumpkin. But she wanted to keep taking pieces. Not because she knew what it was (she has never had candy - only a hershey kiss from daycare) but because to her, it was a sorting activity. When her cousins were almost a house ahead of us, I told her to run to catch up and she did - trotting off ahead of me to try and catch up to them, doggy ears flopping as she ran. After everyone left, we took her around the block in her pink tricycle and she loved looking at the hustle and bustle of everyone still out.

Later that week, she wanted some of my Starbucks passion fruit (caffeine free, un-sweetened tea). I asked her to say "tea" and she repeated it back to me, no problem. I then decided to go through the alphabet and was so surprised that she was able to repeat about every third letter on the drive to El Torrito (November 2nd)! On our walk that night, she walked around the entire block - about half a mile - by herself! We pushed her pink tricycle, but she didn't need it. We walked by some sprinklers on the street behind us and she was drawn to them. I am all about letting her have experiences instead of trying to restrict or control her. I have seen parents actually create behavior problems in their kids by being this way, and toddlers explore...it's what they do! She listened when we told her it was time to keep walking, and wasn't too wet. Imagine her delight when we got back to our place and it happened to be the one day of the week that the city allows us to water without fear of a citation (California drought). This time, we let her go hog wild and she appeared to be having the time of her life running up to the sprinklers and letting them get her right in her face. Nearing sunset and starting to get a bit chilly (that's 60 degrees here in California), my husband watched her while I went in to run her a nice, warm bath. Spontaneous fun like this is absolutely the best.

One of her new favorite activities this month is organizing.

On Saturday the 5th, we participated in the Lung Force Walk in memory of Mom. They were handing out "I'm walking for..." stickers, and I filled out one for her to wear. Seeing her wearing her sticker in support of her Nana sort of broke my heart. But, it was a good day overall, and an event we plan to do every year.

We were off for Veteran's Day and walked to a local restaurant for breakfast. We stopped at a park on the way home. She loves the slides and now goes down the largest ones.

On Saturday the 12th, my Dad and brother came for a visit and we took her to a park with a huge castle structure. She had fun running from one section to another and went down the tallest spiral slide she's been on. I love how involved they are in her life, and how her face lights up when she sees them.

She tired herself out and slept a solid 3 1/2 hours for her nap! When she woke up, we went to Disneyland! Not only was Disneyland all done up for Christmas, but I also decorated that day too. 

The following weekend, we celebrated Thanksgiving with my Dad and my brother. My Dad brought us some thanksgiving gifts, which I was not expecting. I don't think I've ever received a gift for Thanksgiving before! I unwrapped the Burberry scarf and was so excited. "Keep looking" Dad said as I peaked back into the box. And there was a 1971 copy of my Mom's birth certificate. Looking at it, I was shocked to learn that Paula was not her real name. Her real, full name was Pauline Mary Mangan. Such a treasure and as I sit typing this now, I feel a connection to her through the scarf too, because she loved Burberry. Over the years, my Dad has bought her a Burberry watch, clutch, perfume and now this.

At mass on Sunday, Baby A rested her head on my chest and was zoning out. Otherwise she seemed normal, but we found out the next day it was because she was getting sick. My husband missed my last ultrasound at the IVF clinic before I graduated because he was home caring for her.

The following evening, we flew to Oregon to see his family. We didn't land until 11pm and it was tough. The next day was our 3rd wedding anniversary (and 5th total) and we went out to dinner with his folks to celebrate. He surprised me with an Ancestry DNA kit and a gold bracelet!

The next day was my husband's 35th birthday and also Thanksgiving. The day was spent preparing food while the kids slept. Baby A wasn't too keen on turkey but did enjoy the chocolate that grandma had for after dinner and enjoyed playing with her cousin MK. She also liked running in a loop through the house and down three steeps into the den and up three steps into the kitchen.

His birthday gift from Baby A was a flag I designed to represent her, to be flown when she is in residence at her grandparent's. This wasn't too much of a surprise since it was his idea, but I love that he is so family oriented.

Baby A had do much fun in Oregon with her grandparents and cousin MK. She loved walking (running!) to feed carrots to the horse and her pony Butterscotch. She would squeal with excitement as they came charging down the hill, and learned to make the sound a horse does on this trip.

Things I do not want to forget about this month:

• Sitting on the floor of her room after her bath, and attempting to put on her diaper. Instead, she ran away from me, down the hallway and out to the living room, naked. Daddy exclaimed "You're a naked baby!" And she giggled and came running back to me. I exclaimed "Buns!" And she giggled again and ran away from me. This repeated about five times.
• Her excited squeal when she saw the horses.
• New words: Dada, cat, tea (and some letters of the alphabet), fish, cheese. Previous words: No, mommy, more, mooo, ruff, baby, my, Nana, uh-oh, MoMo, baba, hi, bye, dog).
• Poop check!
• New teeth: Canine (Bottom right). Two canines on the top have broken through and on her upper right, the tooth next to her canine for a total of 13 teeth.

Food:
She loves mac 'n cheese and I feel bad giving her the packaged kind. I will in a pinch, but use 1/4 the sodium packet/cheese flavor when I do. Instead, I've been throwing this all in the crock pot for 3.5 hours, and it keeps for several days:

• 8 oz. whole wheat pasta
• 12 oz. evaporated milk
• 1.5 cups of whole milk
• 0.5 stick of butter
• 2 large eggs
• dash of pepper, dash of salt
• 5 cups of shredded cheddar

Proud IVF Mom

I graduated from my IVF clinic today! Everything looked great on the ultrasound, with a strong heartbeat of 163 beats per minute. Baby J is measuring 19.57 mm. As I checked out and settled the $30 balance, Dr. Jane Fredrick met me for a picture and handed me baby's first article of clothing: A onesie with Proud to be an HRC baby printed across the front. 

A thank you seems too small. Without Dr. Frederick,
we would not be expecting our second child.

Excited, I responded "Thank you! I will definitely send you a picture of our baby in this!" 

"Please do - it will be our first." the woman taking the picture said. 

This surprised me, until I remembered that not only are most people not as open as I am about the process, some are even ashamed or embarrassed that they need the help.

On my drive back to work, I thought about all my experiences with our three IVF procedures, and sharing what we were going through every step of the way. I would not do anything differently, including wearing my heart on my sleeve. The support I garnered by sharing our story has helped me tremendously. I am proud to be pregnant through IVF. Neither one of these amazing babies would be possible had we not sought treatment, and they are both miracles. Overall, the response from others has been overwhelmingly positive. Only once in a great while have we fielded silly questions such as "Did you try naturally? Did you try counting the days?" But questions like this are an opportunity to educate, rather than get defensive. 

For the record, of course everyone tries multiple other ways of getting pregnant before emotionally and financially committing to undergo IVF. Spending $15,000+ is never something to be taken lightly. Who would choose this over getting pregnant for free!? 

Of course we did more than count days, a lot more. 

In almost a year and a half of trying since our first child, we had upwards of 8 IUI procedures. Beyond just counting days, this procedure makes sure everything is timed precisely. We were also equipped with the knowledge that I had an extremely low AMH of .2, and that only one in 7 of my eggs were normal. This meant that only once every 7 months did we have a shot, and even then, so many other stars would need to align before that test would be positive. 

Had we been reluctant or embarrassed to seek treatment, precious time would have been wasted and we would have run this risk of never giving Baby A a sibling. Many couples are in this situation and just because you are blessed to have one child (or, two!) it does not always lessen your desire to have another.

Secondary infertility is the inability to have another child following the birth of one or more biological children. It is something that more than 1 million couples face each year, and it accounts for as much as 60% of all infertility cases. While that is not our case, (since we had primary and secondary infertility) many people find themselves in this situation, afraid to seek help because "it worked one time."

Sharing along the way definitely helped me. But my hope is that it has helped others. I like to think I may have contributed to removing that stigma for some women. Not me alone, of course, but by joining the larger discourse. The more of us that share, the more acceptable it may be seen. Only after I started sharing did I realize how common it is. And it was in sharing that Dr. Frederick, who I can not speak highly enough about, was recommended by a co-worker.

If you or anyone you know is unsure about their fertility do one thing: Ask your OBGYN to test your AMH level. It is covered by insurance, and a simple blood test. There are other diagnostic tests that can be run, and covered, by your OBGYN. Start here. You'll feel better knowing it is not low, and that you have time. Be informed, and don't wait.

My Experience at The Trump Rally

I wrote this post back in April after I attended Trump's rally in Costa Mesa. I was afraid to publish it then, just as I am afraid to publish it now. I have a lot of really good friends whom I respect and admire who hate Trump, and would probably even say that hate is not a strong enough word for him. I feared, and fear, loosing their friendship over our difference of opinion. But, I figure if I can respect and admire them even if I don't always agree with their politics, hopefully they can do the same for me. Friendships are built on so much more, and there are many points to their anti-Trump arguments that I can see and even agree with. 

Plus, who wants to be friends only with people that share all of their same viewpoints? 

Just as I am a Catholic and do not blindly accept all that the church tells me I can and cannot do (such as IVF which I wrote about here), I am a Trump supporter even though I do not agree with all of his policies. 

I also am reluctant to share this for fear being called a racist, bigot or misogynist (can a women be misogynistic?) just because I opposed Hillary and did not vote for her. But, I know that I am none of those things. Everyone against him is more than comfortable voicing their dissent, so here goes nothing...

________________________________

o·pen-mind·ed

adjective

1. willing to consider new ideas; unprejudiced.

   synonyms:

   unbiased, unprejudiced, nonpartisan, neutral, nonjudgmental

When I posted on social media that Trump was going to be across the street from my work, one of my friends commented "bomb it." Another said that I would be able to smell his stench from my office. At that point, I hadn't even posted that I was going to go, because I wasn't sure of child care, just that he would be there. These two comments were made by two liberal friends, who I do believe consider themselves to be very open-minded and tolerant of people who are different. 

This started me thinking about how some (not all) people who consider themselves "open minded" believe that everyone is entitled to their opinions no matter how different they may be ... just so long as they don't differ too much from their own. I mean, the bomb it comment is on par with extremists who believe in killing doctor's at abortion clinics, just on the opposite end of the spectrum. How open-minded can you be if you completely disregard (or hate?) another person's viewpoints? 

This posting is my account and experience after attending Trump's Rally on April 28th, 2016 in Costa Mesa, CA. Love him or hate him (not many fall in between), you have to admit that it was an historic event, and it was happening right across the street from my work. 

Bill O'Reilly said: "...the two most shocking political stories in my lifetime are the assassination of President John Kennedy and the rise to political prominence of one Donald J. Trump. History will record that this was an uprising, a movement of the people supporting a candidate who has absolutely no ties to the political establishment."

No one thought he would make it this far, least of all, Republicans. What fascinated me about him is that he is not entrenched in The Establishment. Has there ever been a serious candidate that was not?

Now, before you go thinking I went to this rally because I was a big Trump supporter, I did also see Obama at the same OC fairgrounds for a town hall meeting after he was elected president a few years ago. And if Hillary were speaking, I probably would have walked over as well, though she will never get my vote. Curiosity got the better of me, and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

As we lined up outside just after 4pm, there were no protesters in sight. I was admittedly a little disappointed by how calm things were. John and Ken were broadcasting for KFI, and it was an orderly crowd. Around 4:30, we started to enter the gates slowly, because of security. Although free tickets were given on his website, no tickets were taken or even looked at. Anyone who was in line received an orange wristband. As I went through the metal detector and security checked my purse and yarn (gasp!), a man told me sternly "You cannot take that in." Explaining that my clear yarn-holder was plastic, he asked "What is it anyway? No." I said "It just keeps my yarn from getting tangled." As I removed my yarn to leave the container behind, he saw my crochet hook in there and barked "That can't come in either." This is something I fly with all the time, and I was really looking forward to crocheting favors for Baby A's first birthday! What else was I going to do for two hours!? As I started to try and explain this fact, I realized he was Secret Service, not your run-of-the-mill security guard. And so I left the crochet hook behind, along with my plan to ask to speak to his supervisor, and entered the Pacific Amphitheater.

Almost half of the 8,500 seats were already filled by 5pm. There was a loop of background music being played that included country, Neil Diamond and Elton John in the rotation. Periodically, the crowd would cheer as someone held up a sign that read BLACK CHRISTIAN WOMEN LOVE TRUMP or LATINOS FOR TRUMP. People milled about in their Hilary for Prison and Trump kicks rump shirts. A lot of them wore MAKE AMERICA GREAT hats. One man brought in a Captain America cut-out and received a lot of fan-fair as people posed for pictures with it. At 6pm, the mayor of Rancho Santa Margarita spoke, and lead everyone in prayer before recognizing any Veterans in attendance.

Excitement started to build as an announcement with an intentionally robotic, humorous tone came on over the speakers: 

Do not touch or harm the protester. This is a peaceful rally. In order to notify the law enforcement officers of the location of the protester, please hold a rally sign over your head and start chanting "Trump! Trump! Trump!" ask the people around you to do likewise until until the officer removes the protester.  

This technique was really effective. When the lone 3 protesters who tried to put on anti-Trump shirts were immediately surrounded by the chants, and then calmly walked out by security. The rest of the evening, inside the amphitheater at least, went off without a hitch.

The last person to take the stage before Trump came out after 7:30 was Assemblyman Bill Brough, who led the crowd in the pledge of allegiance before introducing Trump to a roar of cheers.

You may not like the rhetoric he spouts, but it is hard to deny that Trump is a good off-the-cuff speaker, who never reads from a teleprompter. Some would say he probably should read from a teleprompter. Touche. 

Shortly after taking the stage, Trump introduced the father of Jamiel Shaw, a 17 year old African-American football star from Los Angeles who was shot in the head in 2008 by an illegal immigrant who had been released from jail the previous day. Serving only four months of an eight month sentence for assault with a deadly weapon and battery on a police officer, he had lied about his immigration status and killed Jamiel, who had never been in trouble with the law or even at school. He was shot because of the color of his backpack, which he mistook for a rival gang. (Read more here.) Behind them stood a line of parents, all holding up banners with pictures and information about their loved ones who were killed by previously convicted, and not deported, illegal immigrants.

Now, Trump gets a lot of flak for hating immigrants or wanting to stop immigration all together. He is called a racist, a bigot and even worse. But none of that came across in his message, and he never spoke about getting rid of anyone except violent criminals. He specifically said "We want people to come in, but we want them to do it legally." 

I thought back to my Mom's experience immigrating here in 1970, after she married my Dad. She was married to my father, yet not allowed to come to our country until they had a certain amount of money in their bank account. For this reason, my Dad came first and worked to put away money until she was able to come. Trump, and his supporters, are not saying immigration should stop all together. Anyone who thinks we should is forgetting how our Nation was founded, and that no one would not be here without it. 

He drew a distinction between legal immigration and illegal immigrants, some who have committed violent crimes, yet still remain here. He spoke about the safety of our neighborhoods, schools and the drain on our resources like medical care and hospitals. No where in there was there a send people back message, unless they have committed violent crimes. Rather, the message was let's help and protect what we have and who we have (including our immigrants) and let's bring our jobs back.

Think about it: if you want to help everyone, but in doing so, spread your resources so thin that you end up not really helping anyone, are you really helping?

Regarding terrorism he said: We have to be tough. We have to be vigilant. We have to be strong. This country is so politically correct that we don't know anything that is going on. 

He then launched into a graphic story about General John "Black Jack" Pershing from more than a century ago, during World War I. The story, which may be no more than legend, described how Pershing was tough on radical Islamic terrorists. Before launching into the story, Trump made it a point to say that Muslims are not the problem. The problem is radical Islamic terrorism, not Muslims, he stated, as he disparaged Obama for not being able to even mention the extremists due to political correctness. He said You cannot cure a problem if you don't want to even mention the problem. Hearing him say this and make sure that he made the distinction between Muslims and radical Islamic terrorism, I realized that a lot of his messages of hate, intolerance and xenophobia were likely taken out of context, then spread through the internet and social media.

The graphic story? Fifty radical Islamic terrorists who had done tremendous damage and killed many people were caught. Fifty bullets were swirled around in pigs' blood and used to kill forty-nine of the terrorists. The fiftieth terrorist was given that last bullet, after having witnessed all of the deaths, and told to bring that bullet back to everyone and tell them what had happened. "And for 42 years, there was no problem with radical Islamic terrorism. We need to get it together" he concluded.

Around this time, the smell of something burning entered the amphitheater. It became stronger and stronger, and hung thick in the air. My co-worker and I exchanged concerned looks, and studied the faces of the secret service and security guards for signs of concern. It wasn't until later that night that I swan on the news that it was most likely the smell of burned-rubber from cars in the streets.

Moving on and switching gears, he brought up Lyin' Ted Cruz, a moniker he is fond of using. Nobody likes him he stated as fact, as he pointed out that for the first time, a candidate that mathematically has zero chance of winning has appointed his vice-president. A roar of laughter erupted. He put down Kasich (who eats like that!?) and Low-energy Jeb Bush, before devoting a little more time to "Crooked Hillary." He brought up that she has stated that she doesn't like his tone, yet all she does is shout off of her teleprompters. "Here we are in a world going to hell. Not since medieval time have people chopped off heads, and she says 'I don't like his tone.' We need a tough tone!"

He then stated "I'm glad she won; I want to beat her more than Saunders."

People like to throw out terms like misogynist and sexist in relation to Trump. Especially lately, because he made the statement that some people are voting for Hillary just because she is a woman. But, he is speaking the truth. I do know women who have said "You mean you're not voting for Hillary? But, she's a woman!" To me, she is more of a misogynist for the villanizing she did of Bill's mistresses which she has done on several accounts, in several ways. Blaming the victim of the sexual assault should never be an option. 

Moving on to the subject of jobs, he said that across the nation, states are down 40-50% on jobs. "Jobs are going everywhere, but here. Factories are moving production to Mexico, Japan, China. Schools, hospitals are all devastated. We are going to make the country great for everyone: Hispanics, blacks, for our hard-workers. People are working harder today than they did 18 years ago and yet they are making less. Plants are opening in Mexico. We are being out-dealt by Japan; by China. We have a 505 billion dollar trade deficit with China; they don't even want our product! Apple will start making their product here, they just don't know it yet!"

Around 8:30, I decided to cut out of there early and get home to my 11 month old that my husband was watching. Saying goodbye to the people I was with, I headed to the one designated exit at the very top of the seats solo, as Trump started talking about building the wall. "They say it can't be done, but China built a great wall, and that was 2,000 years ago!" 

My plastic crochet canister had been moved from the entrance where I left it and was nicely placed on a table, with my lone crochet hook inside (I know you were worried about this), along with metal water containers and other items that were not allowed inside. As I picked it up and headed out the gates, I walked into the strongest police presence I have ever seen. At least 50 officers in full riot gear were standing in a line that stretched pretty far. Immediately, I started to second-guess my decision to leave by myself, but was glad that I was leaving early.

It was the police presence and what they may have known to be in such force that scared me, not the protesters. I really didn't see too many actually, almost all of them just seemed to be groups of teenagers just hanging out. One man held a sign with a rendering of Trump with HITLER in bold letters, and I heard him say to someone who was taking a picture of it "We can have a discussion if you'd like." I walked through the parking lot and took a right along Fairview. This was just after 8:30, and when there must have been a group flooding the streets at the intersection of Fair and Fairview. Two police cars zoomed past me, sirens on. Then three more. In total, I saw around 10 units headed in the opposite direction of where I was headed, which told me I was going the right way.

Home just after 9pm, I was able to watch the "protests" from my couch. 

From The LA Times: 

The scene outside the Donald Trump rally was chaotic as a crowd of hundreds of mostly young protesters blocked the streets. Many were carrying Mexican flags. Protesters smashed a window on at least one police car, punctured the tires of a police SUV, and at one point tried to flip a police cruiser. A young man got on top of the police cruiser and started stomping on it before slipping and falling off. Protesters scribbled anti-Trump messages on police cars and on at least one red sports car parked in a gas station parking lot.

By "mostly young" protesters, they mean teenagers, and teenagers who care more about getting some attention than obeying the law. I know plenty of well-educated, law-abiding people who don't agree with Trump, and there are even more out there, but if they were there, they were not the ones flooding the streets, and not the ones that the media focused on. Standing and having a discussion or debate makes for less than thrilling ratings and the media loves to play up the drama and danger.

In all, it was an experience that I'm glad to say I was a part of. 

1st Sonogram + Rising HCG

On the Friday before Halloween, I had my first sonogram and there was something there! Because it was so early, a gestational sac was visible. Just one. They said I was 5.5 weeks along, two weeks farther than I realized. I forgot you get "credit" for two weeks! This puts me with a June 27th due date. Because we will do c-section, baby will be here around June 13th.

Seeing something on the sonogram made me feel so relieved and even more hopeful. Then, yesterday, I was given my HCG results: 11,287 up from 842 a week prior. This means our baby is a growin'! I breathed another huge sigh of relief. When we saw Baby A's heartbeat at 6 weeks, there was another sac visible, but it was gone by the next week. I was worried this could be the same. But, since my HCG is right on track, we know that it is actually growing and not just a sac.

My next ultrasound on November 7th should detect a heartbeat! I cannot wait! Then, at 10 weeks, we will have the genetic testing done which will tell us everything is okay, and also the gender. No longer requiring amniocentesis (which poses a risk to baby), this is just a blood test! The final hurdle we then need to clear is at 12 weeks, when I enter my second trimester and the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically. We're more than half way there!

16 Months

Baby A turned 17 months on October 26th, so for the majority of the month she was 16 months.

The month started with her first presidential debate. This was also when she learned how to say no, and use it in context. For example, "A, let's go inside the house." A: "No" while turning to walk the other way. It is honestly so cute. The very next morning she woke up and said "No." After a long pause, she said "no" again, for no reason in particular, as if it was her morning greeting. I squeezed her tight and said "No" back and she laughed. It's interesting to me because we never use the word (we use redirection instead...so does daycare) but somehow, she still picked it up! 

She stopped crying as often when I leave for work. This was best evidenced the other morning when I was backing out of the driveway and she was walking on our side yard, distracted by the neighborhood cat, Charles. Although I said bye to her, I was worried she didn't really realize that I was leaving and would burst into tears when she saw me. As I backed out of the driveway, I waved to her. She locked eyes with me and quickened her pace, as I braced myself for the guilt that follows leaving her when she is reaching her whole body toward me and bawling. But she was just blowing me kisses! A huge smile and two kisses blown in the air are what sent me off to work. Swooped up by Daddy and happily in his arms, there were no tears and it was the best start to the day.

Our first weekend of October was much busier than planned. Actually, if I had realized everything that I was going to do at the start of the weekend, I would have ran the other way.

On Friday, we walked to Tustin Tiller Days, our local carnival that we went to last year, and hope to make an annual tradition. She was too short to ride anything except the carousel with me, but had fun walking around in her free adult-sized sunglasses that were handed out for free. On Saturday morning, my husband got up early with her and I went back to sleep until 9am. This is the second weekend in a row that I have done this, and is definitely a side effect of my fertility medication. When I woke up and went out into the living room, it looked like we had been ransacked by thieves. But, she was happily playing and so I was happy. I started prepping some food and packing for our day-trip to Julian. 

It was our first time there, and much farther than we were expecting. San Diego is quite a drive since there always seems to be traffic, and it was still an hour from there. My husband wanted to go to check out some property that is about to be sold for taxes, and we wanted to tag along. The streets were bustling with people and we found a nice restaurant in an old house that didn't have a wait. Sitting down to eat, I let her try some of my lemonade for the first time. One sip, and she put her fingers together and said something that sounded close to "More!" Surprised, told my husband "I think she's learned sign language." While she tapped her finger-tips together repeatedly and said "moe, moe!"

This is the same day she also started saying "Mommy." Actually, it is more like "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" and I love it!

Sunday started off with her Halloween photos at 9am in Garden Grove. We haven't had much time to let her practice wearing her costume, but she still did really well wearing it and smiled for the camera, in true Baby A fashion. On the way home, we decided to stop at Disneyland for a few hours. We rode the monorail in from Downtown Disney, and went on Finding Nemo and the carousel. After nap time, Uncle Glen came for a visit and we went to the pumpkin patch at Irvine Park, before my husband joined us at Islands for an early dinner.

Uncle Glen!

The first week in October was filled with a lot of doctor's appointments for me, and egg retrieval surgery for IVF. I get really nervous about going under anesthesia now that I have her, and the 'associated risks' form I had to fill out asking me if anyone in my family has suffered from malignant hypothermia didn't help. But when I woke up, the first thing I asked was whether or not I had already had surgery, so I guess it wasn't too bad.

Daycare started teaching the kids the color of the week. I love that they have an art activity each morning, which they are now incorporating the color into before they play outside and before lunch. The first week was white and they made white ghosts out of cotton balls. Green was the next week, they made frankensteins using their hand prints.

On 10/11, I was getting her dressed for the morning. She was sitting on my lap, facing away from me when she put her arms up and gave me a backwards hug. It was the sweetest thing ever. I turned her around and she wrapped her arms around my neck even tighter. A real hug! She now gives them when prompted, though kisses are harder to come by. Sometimes my husband will ask her for a kiss and knowing he wants one, she will smile mischievously and turn to give me one. Once in awhile, she will give an unsolicited kiss, like when we are waiting in line at Disneyland and those are the best! 

My husband started a new position at a different high school (same district) so for the second week of October, I started taking her to daycare and also picking her up most days. She did not cry at drop off even once, and this made me feel so good! It only requires me to leave 15 minutes earlier than I was, and I like being able to talk to her care-takers and ask about her day. Plus, picking her up is so rewarding. I search for the look on her face when she first realizes that I'm there. She often lets out a little squeal and comes running or attempts to jump. 

We disassembled her crib, and put in a full-sized bed. I delayed having her sleep in there until I had washed her mattress protector and new sheets (oops, not dry enough...I guess we'll have to wait another night) because I didn't want to give up our co-sleeping! For a few months now, I had been putting her to sleep in the guest-bedroom and because transferring her now woke her up, I was sleeping in there too. And I loved it! But, the first night went really well, in part because she had more room. She slept from 7:45 pm straight through until 6 am! I woke up several times though, checking the monitor to make sure she was okay. I'm so afraid she'll get up and just roam, so I close all of the doors except for hers and ours, and then we have a child latch to keep the hall door closed; the first child-proofing we've needed.

I made her a Nemo pumpkin after she fell asleep, and she was so excited when she woke up and saw him! She said "MoMo" and carried him around, pushed him in her stroller, and wiped his face clean with a wash cloth.

I also started doing some fun skill-developing activities with her each week, like the one below. There's a whole listing here, one for each week of their second year if you're interested.

Toddler game: Sew your ribbons

By Evonne Lack 

A fun activity for your toddler

Your 16-month-old is finding that he can do more and more with his hands and fingers these days (like scribbling, turning the pages of a book, and maybe using a spoon and fork). He'll get a kick out of this rudimentary sewing activity, which requires grasping and pulling. A paper plate and ribbons doesn't sound like much, but you'll be surprised at how much fun they can be!

Good for age: 16 months (but older and younger kids might enjoy it, too!)

Skills developed: teamwork, taking turns, fine motor skills, language

What you'll need: a paper plate, scissors, various ribbons

Cut a small hole in the center of the paper plate. Thread a ribbon a short way through the hole so that just the tip is poking out. Show your toddler how to pull the ribbon all the way through the plate. Once he gets it out, give him some enthusiastic congratulations, and start another ribbon. Describe the ribbons as you work. For example, "Let's try the purple [or long, thick, thin, green, shiny, or polka-dotted] ribbon this time."

After you've done this for a while, try tying several ribbons together to make one long ribbon, and hold the plate for him as he pulls it (he may need to walk or cruise to get the ribbon all the way out). Work on turn-taking by suggesting, "Now it's Sam's turn to hold the plate and Mommy's turn to pull," and see if he'll hold the plate for you while you pull the ribbon through.

Funny, sometimes it's the simplest things in life that are the most fun.

On a less fun note, Baby A had her second dentist appointment and now has a total of 9 teeth, with two additional molars about to poke through. She cried and screamed as her teeth were given a very thorough brushing, cleaning with that pink, gritty paste and even a full flossing! Afterward, she was able to pick out some toys (she chose a car and a pink dinosaur), we made a follow-up appointment for 6 months from now and I left with instructions to brush twice a day for 30 seconds and to also start flossing.

Jump!

On October 15th, we had a 5th birthday party for a friend at the Tanaka Farms pumpkin patch. Going to this patch has become a tradition, as we went with the same group with Mom before we were married and every year since. Baby A practiced her new thing, "jumping." I put it in quotes because she really doesn't get off the ground at all. She puts both arms up and then takes a big marching-like step. 

The third week in October started with a disco/glow party at Pretend City. We have a membership there, and she loves going, but I have never seen her this excited! She was running from area to area, often squealing as she ran! I love watching her explore and interact with other kids. 

That week, we found out that IVF worked and I had a positive pregnancy test. It is still obviously very early, but we started imagining what life would be like with her as a big sister.

That weekend, Grandpa and Uncle Glen came for a visit again. She is having so much fun with them and will now give them a kiss and a hug. My Dad loves spinning her around like an airplane, and she loves it too. She will go up to him when they are in the back yard and ask for it by motioning with her arms. She also loves to show them things, and led my brother by the hand to her playhouse. He crawled right in there and sat with her for quite awhile.

On Sunday, my best friend Andrea and her husband made the long drive to see us. They brought so many Halloween gifts for Baby A, including a huge box filled with goodies from her Mom Jeri. Jeri is so good to Baby A, and in part does it because she was close with my Mom. They also sent things for her last Halloween, but I thought that was because it was her "first" and was not expecting it this year. After opening all the presents, we went to Irvine Park Railroad in the rain. In southern California, it doesn't usually rain for long. We were surprised that it continued sprinkling. After we went out to eat and returned home, Baby A had so much fun standing and walking in the rain on the back patio. Again, she wanted to lead us out in it to join her which we each did in turn. She also loved splashing in the puddles, and didn't want to come in.

Things I do not want to forget about this month:

• Seeing her walk around the house, arms full of multiple objects such as a doll, a stuffed animal and two remotes.
• Watching the lightning and listening to the thunder and rain at 6am on 10/24
• New words: No, Mommy, More, Mooo! (She will do this when asked what sound does a cow make?), Ruff, Baby (pronounced like she has an Italian accent: Bay-BEE), My, Nana, Uh-oh,
• New teeth: Premolar (Bottom right). So she has all of her incisors (8) and missing her canine, and then has a premolar for a total of 9 teeth.
• Calling her Nemo pumpkin "MoMo"
• Picking her up from daycare and somehow deciding that it was a good idea to let her eat her oreo which covered in frosting with a Hershy kiss attached on the way home. When we arrived at Islands, she looked like she was covered in dirt.

Food:

I started adding sauteed spinach and quinoa to her scrambled eggs in the morning, and to grilled cheese when she has it. She will eat boiled broccoli by the handful, but is still reluctant with most other vegetables, though she will eat peas, carrots and green beans.