Because the important moments in life just don’t fit in a status update! I started this blog when I was training for my first ½ Ironman, (70.3 miles) to record what I hoped would be growth and progress but ended up being a huge learning experience. Although fitness is one of the key ingredients to a happy life, it certainly isn't the only ingredient. My blog has evolved to document growth, progress and setbacks in other areas too. From my surprise proposal in Rome and wedding in the fall of 2013, to Mom's devastating stage IV cancer diagnosis and death 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. Who knows what shape it will take, but thanks for being along for the ride.

Monday, March 14, 2016

I Don't Have Cancer?

WARNING: This post contains a photo of my incision. If you do not want to see it, do not scroll down. Stick with the cute illustration here on your left. 

The month of March rolled in like one of those foggy mornings where the fog lingers well into the afternoon and you think it's going to clear up, but it never does. I constantly found myself distracted by the looming outcomes of my various tests and biopsies. The best example of how distracted I became is one night after a particularly sweet and mood-boosting conversation with my Mom Cathy, I passed the phone to my husband, who had a few things he needed to ask her. While they were on the phone, I started to search for mine. I checked where I was sitting. No phone. The kitchen, the charger. No and no. At a loss, I mouthed to my husband "Have you seen my phone?" To which he responded by pointing to his ear. Oooh, he's still on it. Right.

I did my best to be present and happy and sweet for my baby girl, who really is becoming more and more, with each passing day: My sunshine. Seeing her excited smile, and a squeal if I'm lucky, when we've been apart or she sees Trevi, fills my heart. I can't get enough of her when she's awake, and I always have a twinge of sadness when she drifts off to sleep, in my arms. I hold her for awhile after she falls asleep because I just don't want to put her down. And sometimes, I put my face close to hers so that I can feel her breath when she exhales.

Somehow, I was able to make it through that first week of March without crying at work (practice from Mom's situation?) but would often let down my guard on the drive home, or once at home. It sure must be confusing to a baby who is new to learning expressions and their corresponding meanings, and the world in general, to suddenly be faced with a Mommy who bawls her eyes out, while also trying to smile and now hugs her just a little too tightly.

On the 14th, I returned to my primary care physician who I credited with saving my life, and we were to continue with mole removal. I was also planning to ask her if there was any way that the original three biopsy samples had been mixed up...because no melanoma was found in the wide excision that was done. But, we since learned that happens, sometimes.

We were in no way prepared for what we were told when her and her office manager walked in: You do not have melanoma, and you never had melanoma. The biopsy results were mixed up. 

We are still in shock and don't know what to think. My husband is unsure that these "new" results are even accurate, and we have asked for DNA testing to be certain.

Every person who is told they have cancer wishes and prays that it is not true. This must be some sort of a mistake is one of the first things that goes through your mind. How many get called back in and told it really is?

We can't stop thinking the poor other girl who got the clear results only to be called and told this, after it has been growing for 3 weeks. The doctor said she has had melanoma before.

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It's almost 1/2 my back, plus lymph node removal

11 comments:

  1. Whoa. what a crazy turn of events.Even though it's good news, I know it's still a lot to process.

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  2. While amazing to be cancer free, I would be SO MAD for all of the pain, trauma, and emotional turmoil this caused. I have to ask this question as I know that if I were put through that I would consider it, are you planning to sue? I know mistakes happen, and this was a mistake that you are glad WAS a mistake but holy cow what an awful experience that was caused by their error....

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  3. Wow that's crazy BUT such wonderful news for you!!! Prayers for the woman who does have it though. Gosh it would just make me question everything though.

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    1. Too bad we didn't find out before I had surgery. Yes, I feel awful for her.

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  4. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I am feeling so happy for you, but what an awful three week ride.

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    1. It was the worst three weeks of my life. Pretty much any time I wasn't at work, I was crying. One day, I tried to go to Hobby Lobby to buy some decorations for her 1st birthday and sat in the car, crying, thinking this party needed to be good since it could be the only one I plan for her. Just awful.

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  5. If you hadn't questioned those results, that other girl probably would've ended up with metastatic melanoma. You probably saved her life by questioning why there was no melanoma in the wide incision.

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    1. So true........thank God it was caught, but so awful for her to have 3 weeks with the wrong 'good' news. The doctor told me 'Oh, she has had melanoma before' but that actually makes it worse, in my opinion because it is a re-occurance.

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  6. I somehow stumbled upon your blog and Oh m goodness, this is horrifying! As someone who worked in a hospital myself, this absolutely disgusts and angers me that you went through this. I know this is probably the farthest thing from your mind but I would urge you to consider a lawsuit, not for monetary purposes but sometimes it's necessary to keep the medical industry on the straight and narrow and prevent them from getting "lax" in such incredibly important jobs! Wow, I'm so sorry you went through this...IMO they should be breaking their backs getting the DNA testing back to you.

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  7. Happy to hear you are OK. Please pursue legal action to reprimand the medical team that worked with you. It is completely unacceptable and you deserve compensation.

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