Becoming Unbusy

Have you heard about the Becoming Unbusy movement? It's a real thing. I guess that my husband is advanced and a bit of a trendsetter, because he's been all about not being busy long before it was "a thing." He's not anti-social and he's great with people; funny and witty in mixed company. It's just that he doesn't feel the need to constantly be doing stuff to be entertained. When we were dating, one of our most memorable dates was "camping" in the living room of my apartment.

When we were anticipating the arrival of our first child in 2015, we both dreaded the time when we would inevitably become busy. It was as if we would have no control or say because around us, it just seemed to "happen" to people once they became parents. 

But I remember my friend Delia, a type-A lawyer and ultra-runner who had a "policy" in her home of "only" one activity or sport per child at a time. And that gave me hope.

"Really?!" I inquired, a bit in disbelief. 

"Yes! For example, it's girl scouts or soccer; piano or track. The kids get to pick, but it's only one."

At the time I remember wondering if they wouldn't feel as if they were missing out. Now, a few years later, I realize that being over-committed is missing out. At least in our family. If you thrive and get energized with a full social calendar, there is nothing wrong with that. But if you commit to doing something and then instantly regret it (or worse) begin to dread it, it's time to say no.

"Don't double book us." My husband would often say and now, I get it. I love being at our home, together. "Mommy, I'm bored" is amazing to hear every once in awhile because that's when she gets into some really creative (read: messy) play.

I haven't started saying no to events, parties or activities because I don't want to do them. Rather, I just don't want to do too many of them. A few weekends ago, I tripple-stacked our outings, with the best of intentions. I said yes to one thing, and then another and then to a side-business and before I knew it we had plans from 8:30am-7pm with a few hours in between that we couldn't really enjoy.

Enough!

It doesn't mean that I'm not going to buy tickets to plays (we have two in the works), go to Disney on Ice, keep my side hustle or go to birthday parties. But it does mean that once I commit to something, I'm not going to add on to that day, even if it does sound really fun. It will make what we do more enjoyable, and people will know when I say I'll be there I won't flake out last minute. 

Almost nothing feels better than going into the weekend with a clear calendar. If you feel that way too, make it happen! We're not alone in wanting to be alone with our family. Remember, it's a whole movement! 

UPDATE: The day after this posting I noticed I only had one thing planned for the entire weekend. So what did I do? Make plans to go to the pumpkin patch, of course! Hey, we're all a work in progress.

Check out this posting on Embracing Simplicity in a Culture of Excess:

Choosing a slower pace and more margin in our schedule

As we’re getting ready for back to school, it’s becoming readily apparent that schedules are getting busier. There are so many options of things we could be doing, but I’ve been opting out of all of it.

No to the weekly obligations after school.
No to practices and games.
No to feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

I say no and I say it often.

It’s counter-cultural to have a lot of margin in your schedule. Try to find a time to meet up with a friend and you’ll quickly notice how busy people are. Different families have varying comfort levels with amounts of activities. We are more comfortable with very few.

Margin allows us more rest but also the option of being available if we want. I’m able to help-out a friend last minute or we can have a spontaneous family picnic at the park. A less busy schedule gives us more flexibility and freedom.

Have a tough time saying no? Check out this guide.

Also, check out Ten Benefits Kids Gain From an UnBusy Life.