September, 2020

September started off with record high temperatures, well over 100 degrees. It also ended with temperatures back over 100 degrees. We ran the air conditioning like crazy and worked in some beach days to stay cool. I had my annual physical with my primary care physician who recommended intermittent fasting back in December of 2019. I explained that I had hit a plateau and was not loosing any more weight, in spite of the fact that I average 30 miles every week, (running 3 miles every day, and also walking 2 miles every day). She suggested that I start adding in one or two 24 hour fasts in addition to my 16-18 hour daily fasts (which I have been slacking on the past few months). Reading about it, the benefits are far greater than just weight-loss. I won't bore you too much here, and may do a separate posting on it and bore you there instead. But autophagy and cancer-prevention are key. My first 24 hour fast was tough, but it got much much easier as the month progressed. By the end of the month I had lost three pounds, a huge victory for me. The more I loose, the fewer calories I need and so it gets harder and harder to loose the closer I get to my goal. I have to remind myself of this all the days that the scale remains stable (or up a pound) despite my best efforts.

Aut started back at gymnastics, which she loves. She's making friends in the class and making progress.

We had more play-dates and geared up for her return to school, in-person which was to be at the end of this month, but we extended a little longer. We were planning a trip to New England to see the fall foliage and wanted to make sure we were all healthy to travel. 

This month was filled with a impromptu tea parties and picnics at the greenbelt, exploring the tunnel under the road, planting, birthday parties, pumpkin pie and decorating for Halloween!

She continued her horse-back riding lessons and by the end of the month, she was fearlessly trotting!

My husband and I were invited on a three hour tour (duffy boat ride) which we followed with dinner at Ruth's Chris, our first nice meal out since March! 

 

My husband bought me a new camera with two lenses- a huge upgrade from the one that I've been using since pregnant with Aut. It's a Sony a7 ii mirror-less, full frame and makes my previous one feel like a plastic toy by comparison. 

I took Aut camping for a weekend at Thousand Pines, while the boys stayed home. I didn't take Cha because we were planning to tent camp, and he loves his naps. But we upgraded to a cabin and I immediately missed him, but tried to focus on the positive of having girl time. She is such a sweet, caring, fun person and I cherish every moment spent in her presence, and that can be hard to enjoy as much with the distractions and business of being home. 

She had a friend there, and it was so amazing to see her interact and play with her, even bravely raising her hand to go on stage and act out a skit during the evening group campfire. She fired a bb gun and bow and arrow for the first time, and bravely jumped off the diving board by herself. She is cautious and risk-adverse, but it's good to see that she is brave and she does have courage. Returning home, Cha gave me the biggest hug, and it was so good to have him take me by the hand again, saying "Follow me, Ma!" as he led me over to a toy, or out to his swing to be pushed.

In anticipation of the sixth anniversary of Mom's death in October, I started feeling sorry for myself, once again, for not having her here with us, earth-side. This isn't just an annual event, because I carry a twinge of "she should be here" with me almost daily...but, it is more pronounced at certain times (such as her birthday, my birthday, the kids' birthdays, Easter, Veteran's day, Flag day...you get the idea). It's easy to tell yourself that you should be thankful for the time you did have and appreciate that instead of wistfully imaging how much fuller your life would be with her here. It's much more difficult to actually do that; to live in gratitude instead of in loss and what-ifs. 

But during the thick of this, a retired woman/friend/former co-worker named Billie that I hadn't messaged sine June facebooked me:

Another thing we have in common is - I lost my mom at an early age (11 years). She never saw me do any of my stuff: high school, college, marriage, kids. I know it's hard for you not having your mom - but I'm hoping you are doing better with it each year. I have always wondered what 'our' relationship would have been like. You got to have that - you are blessed. Keep on enjoying your great life my dear!

She had no way of knowing how much I needed to be reminded of the fact that while I feel like Mom was taken too soon, there are many who are taken much, much sooner. Do I wish I had more time with my Mom who was also my best friend? Yes. But we always want more time, and I have to focus on what I did have and currently have, because of her. Her love and patience and gentle strength raising me made me who I am today. She came to this country in search of a better life for her and for her children and grandchildren. Although she didn't live to see the full extent of that, my hope is that she does se, and she knows.