BEFORE & AFTER

August 2022. I've never worn crop tops!

I never realized how just how much time and energy my thoughts of covering up my tummy were taking up until it was gone. I evaluated nearly every outfit in terms of how much it showed or concealed this problem area, and I wouldn't even think about wearing a bikini. That ship had sailed. But now that my gut is gone, it's indescribably freeing. I can walk into my closet and put on anything I own and feel confident. Before, I would try on multiple outfits, sometimes making myself late because none of them worked. I also did not realize how much your abdominal muscles work to hold in everything. Truly, as my doctor stated, our abdominal muscles act like a corset. Before my surgery, it felt like everything I ate could immediately be detected with the naked eye. I would seriously look at a soda, and my stomach would puff out. Now, I am eating normally (although still much healthier than before), and even when I have a total cheat day (I've had a few), my stomach remains completely flat. It is so strange and foreign to me! Seriously, even when I was 20 and much thinner, my stomach still had a little pouch. It has always been my problem area, and the area any excess weight goes to first.

Before - 2018. While pregnant with him,
I was eating for two: Two grown-a$# adults!
Worried about another miscarriage, I could not enjoy this 
pregnancy as much and turned to food for comfort.

The lower 'before' picture here was right before surgery - after I lost all of the weight. Because my muscles have separated, you can clearly see my Diastasis Recti where everything bulges out.

But while the surgery has been life-changing, I first had to do the work and lose the weight. I went to a consultation for abdominoplasty in the summer of 2021 and was actually told no by the plastic surgeon. "You have too much visceral fat, which will push out and work against you," he said. "You need to be within 10 pounds of your goal weight before surgery is considered." And so I had no choice but to start getting my eating in check. 

2021/2022 - Both pics are pre surgery

2021/2022 - Both pics are pre surgery

The photo on the left is from April of 2021. The photo on the right is prior to surgery, in June of 2022. In the photo on the left, I had ran about 3 miles almost Every. Single. Day. for a year. But clearly, I was eating too much. In the photo on the right, I was running less (3 miles 2-3 times per week) but also eating less. For me, intermittent fasting is the way to go because I have to think about it less. And instead of having to make multiple good/healthy decisions throughout the day (Oh look! Someone brought bagels - should I have one?) I just have to make one: No food until [insert time here]. After baby number two, I started fasting 16 hours and eating in an 8 hour window. This worked at first, as it reined in my eating whatever, whenever, but I stopped seeing results as I had less to loose. For the last 20 pounds, I upped my game to 20/4 for a few months prior to surgery, which I am sticking to now a few days per week, for maintenance. 

I remember taking those before photos above and worrying that there would never be an "after" to compare them to. I uploaded them into a private album and didn't show anyone, not even my husband. I was disappointed and ashamed that even though I was running so much, I was not continuing to lose my "baby weight" and was, in fact, starting to gain some of it back. Since I shared the photos, some of my closest friends have said, "You never looked like that!" And as far as they knew, I didn't. I either didn't post photos that showed my true size or spent a lot of time and energy choosing outfits that concealed it. I never wore tank tops. I decided that it was time to fix things before it was too late. Over time, our daily habits catch up with us, like a snowball rolling down a hill. I can pinpoint when those April 2021 photos started: Post Halloween 2020, when we had a whole lot of full-size candy bars leftover from trick-or-treaters, and I started sneaking one each night before bed when the whole house was quiet and asleep. No one knew, and no one could tell, I told myself, but the snowball was starting to roll down the hill and gather other bad habits. Sneaking a candy bar at night made it much easier to indulge in the free donuts that magically appeared in the breakroom or to have that second helping, followed by dessert. Or to order a 500-calorie coffee. It made it easier to start sneaking the Girl Scout cookies that my daughter was selling, eating almost a whole box one night. Running was becoming more difficult for me with the extra weight; I didn't have the energy with the kids I usually had, and I did not feel as attractive. My mood was not as elevated, because I had this hanging over me. I decided something needed to change because I was worried about to pass the point of no return and giveup. And I knew that it was about much more than just looks or vanity: My quality and quantity of life were in jeopardy if I continued down this path. 

In January of this year, I was still 20 pounds from my goal weight and tried to back out of it, under the guise of helping with finances. "I dunno babe, we just put in a pool so maybe we should wait on my surgery" I told my husband. "Look, I don't think you need it at all, but if you want to get the surgery, now is the time because prices are only going to go up. It's already gone up from last year." Shoot, I thought: It's now or never. And then once we put down the deposit and secured a date, I really didn't have a choice.

I am 3 months post-op now and happy to say that I have finally, FINALLY found the secret to losing weight and keeping it off! The secret is: there is no secret. Much like my husband (who passed nutrition 101 with a D) told me years ago: It doesn't matter what or when you eat; it just comes down to the basic equation of calories in vs. calories out. Nutrition can get complicated with keto, low-carb, whole-30, macro/micronutrients, etc., etc. but it's all about creating a calorie deficit (a 500-calorie deficit per day = about 1 pound weight loss per week) and picking something that you can stick to and live with. We tend to overestimate the calories we burn during exercise and underestimate what we consume. Remember, how we look is 80% of what we are eating and only 20% the result of exercise. It feels like it should be the other way around. Yet you do not even burn enough calories running a marathon even to lose one pound. Let that one sink in. I still remember the day I learned this, and how disappointed I was. 

Even while in weight-loss mode, I still had cheat days, as I do now. But the difference is that if I have a cheat day or even a cheat weekend, I get back to my healthy habits instead of using it as an excuse to start that snowball rolling down the hill. And when I'm on my game, I enjoy the indulgences much more than when I've gone entirely off the wagon, starting my day with a 500-calorie muffin, washed down with a 500-calorie coffee. When I can eat poorly all of the time, it is no longer a treat, and far less enjoyable.

I have one more month until I can do any abdominal-specific exercises, but have been able to start back with weight-training. I'm currently working on gaining muscle and going to the gym 2-3 days per week (a lot of squats and lunges) and also doing some 10-minute workouts at home some mornings (arms, glutes). I still hate running, so I do it on my lunch break, as many days as possible. If I waited until I got home to run or tried to get up early, it just wouldn't happen. Most days, I do not eat until 1 pm, and I try to stop eating around 5 or 6, most days. I walk or hike with the kids and use my swim jet when I can. I try to stick to more whole foods and less processed, when possible, but no foods are off-limits for me. I can still be caught having some of the kids' Kraft mac-n-cheese, unless it's during my fasting window. When I slip up and over-eat and have a cupcake at 9 pm, I move on and start over the next day instead of using it as an excuse and evidence that I can't stick to it. The more success I have, the better I feel, and the more determined I become to stick to it. Success breeds success. I love to eat more than your average person, trust me, and if I can do this, anyone can. I seriously never thought I would wear a bikini again at my age and enjoy it. I feel more confident than I did at 20. 

Not having to use my child as a shield to block my body for a picture: Priceless! 

The surgery was a key component, but only a reward after I did the work of tempering my eating and losing weight on my own. Just like we must temper our thoughts, actions, and words in order to have spiritual fitness, when we find self-control and discipline in terms of what we eat, it brings us more freedom, not less. Reshaping it All, which I highly recommend, gave me a biblical perspective on appetite and self-control. Having both spiritual and physical fitness under control brings a new level of freedom. I feel so much freer, happier, and more light-hearted. And nothing compares to the feeling of being able to walk into my closet and pick out anything I want. I have not experienced that in at least a decade. When I feel good, I am not the only one who benefits from this...everyone around me benefits, especially my husband and kids. 

Someone told me "Wow - you're really happy with your tummy tuck!" And yes, I definitely am; if you follow me on social media, there's no hiding that fact. I would do it again tomorrow, at twice the cost. But I'm more proud of the work I had to do to even be in a position to have the surgery. I'm unsure if I would have been able to lose it without the deadline and commitment of the surgery looming. And, let's face it: If I wasn't sure that I would be able to do it, I might not have. Because as I tell my kids at least once a week, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right." ~Henry Ford.