A Decade Since Mom's Death

It’s been 10 years since I lost my best friend. A decade. In those early days, weeks, months, and years, it felt like it would never get easier. When I'm really missing her, I feel like it hasn’t. But there is one measure that shows me time has healed, if only a little bit: I miss Dad more.

Orange County Register, 2007

I had no idea when I wrote this blog post on the anniversary of her death last year that it would be my last anniversary of her death while Dad was still alive.

I thought that when I lost my father, it wouldn’t be as difficult. I thought that I would have a level of immunity built up due to the fact that I had already lost Mom. But I know that’s not true because now I miss him more. This fact shows me that time has eased the pain of her loss, as it will do, in time, with the pain of his loss. 

I often imagine what my life would be like with her in it. What the children’s lives would be like with her in it. How greatly their day-to-day living would be enhanced. I've imagined this so much that I can picture her mother-in-law cottage in our backyard with pink roses out front. Life would be perfect if I had her, or so I think. But if I had her now, I would still have the loss of her on the horizon. And no matter how much time we have, we always want more, don't we? 

Rather than lamenting her loss, I have to focus on what I am grateful for and how fortunate I am. For I know some people who did not have this amount of time with their mothers. Or he didn’t have a mother at all. Or worse yet, had an abusive, uncaring, or addicted Mom. I have to focus on the fact that before God called her home, He made sure that I had a new best friend on the way; I was six weeks pregnant with Autumn when she died. 

It's okay to allow ourselves to feel down for a bit, but we must remember that even in the worst situation, there is always something to be thankful for. I am thankful that she was, and is, my Mom. Of all the Moms in the world, I chose the very best.