Have you heard about The Five Love Languages? Well, my husband is an ACTS OF SERVICE kinda guy.
Mom had appointments with both her neurosurgeon and oncologist yesterday. The news wasn't bad per se, but it also wasn't great. More and different tests, scans and treatments ordered, with a rush put on the insurance authorization. More uncertainty and waiting on results; additional side-effects and possible associated risks.
After her appointment, we had dinner at Applebees and then started season one of Downton Abbey. When I came home, Nathan could tell I was deflated. Sometimes it takes more energy not to cry and act normal. Once I was home, I let my guard down. I didn't feel much like talking, so we watched our new addiction, Breaking Bad, and then I prepared for bed as he walked the dogs, a nightly ritual he rarely misses.
I woke up just after 10pm to him barging into the room and proudly declaring "We're going to Phuket babe!" And we leave on Valentine's Day. This morning, it took me a few seconds to realize it wasn't a dream.
We're off for a week every February. Originally, we wanted to take Mom on a trip, but she feels more comfortable at home with all of her side-effects. When we realized a trip with her wasn't an option, we tossed around some ideas on places to visit, but visiting Thailand's largest island - free, with award miles - seemed improbable. There had been some tickets a few weeks back, but we were afraid to pull the trigger and missed them.
When he knew I was upset, he was prompted to try again to make the trip happen. An act of service, to demonstrate his love and commitment. He has no control over Mom's treatment outcome, and it's a powerless position to be in. I know, because that's how I feel, too. Don't get me wrong - no trip, no matter how exotic the locale, is going to make it all okay. But having something pretty amazing to look forward to has a way of lightening the load.
Mom's condition occupies a lot of space in my brain. Just yesterday, I went in for a case of dog food and walked right out of the store without it. I didn't realize until I reached my car, even though I had gone through the check-out line and paid for it.
But already today, some of the usual worrisome thoughts have moved aside to make room for happier thoughts. Like finding out the average temperature will be 90 degrees while we're there, or planning my elephant excursion (yes, I will kiss this animal too). And all this, in turn, helps me make better use of my time with Mom. She prefers to see me happy and excited rather than sad or feeling sorry for her. And so do I.
