Because the important moments in life just don’t fit in a status update! I started this blog when I was training for my first ½ Ironman, (70.3 miles) to record what I hoped would be growth and progress but ended up being a huge learning experience. Although fitness is one of the key ingredients to a happy life, it certainly isn't the only ingredient. My blog has evolved to document growth, progress and setbacks in other areas too. From my surprise proposal in Rome and wedding in the fall of 2013, to Mom's devastating stage IV cancer diagnosis and death 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. Who knows what shape it will take, but thanks for being along for the ride.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Fourth IVF: Negative


Today was my blood test and official negative results: 

Hello Megan,

I tried calling your cell twice just now and no answer, your HCG level came back at <1 which means negative. I am truly sorry I wish I had better news for you today. Dr. Frederick would like for you to stop all medications and would like for you to set up a consult so she can regroup with you on next steps. Roxy will let you know what are Dr. Frederick next openings. 

But we've known for almost a week that it didn't work, because I tested at home. Four times. The first time, I still held out hope that it was just too early. I kept checking the test and staring at it. If willing a squinter were possible, there would have been that extra line that I so desperately wanted to see. But with each negative test I took, that hope diminished. Last week I was just crushed. In part because I was so hopeful, we both were, and also because this is most likely our last attempt.

As we geared up for this last round, I was all prepared for it not to work. But on embryo transfer day when we found out we had four "good-looking" embryos, I couldn't help but be hopeful. That was the highest number we have ever had. I even found myself slightly concerned it could be twins, and worried because that would mean a higher risk pregnancy. What a good problem that would be to have.

I still went in for the blood test this morning at 7:30 a.m. because you're supposed to, but was so confident in the negative result that I went for a 3 mile run while we waited for the call. 

I also signed up for the Long Beach Half Marathon. These last two rounds of hormones, and one pregnancy (that ended at 17 weeks) have taken a toll on me. I'm up at least 25 pounds since our wedding day, and heavier now than even last summer when baby A was 13 months old.

I waiver about 25 times each day between trying again and being content with being a family of three. My husband said that it is up to me. He said that I enjoy being a Mom so much that he wants me to have that experience again, if I want to. Right now, in this moment, I am not in favor of trying again. Our Baby A has made me a Mom, and she is perfect. We hit it out of the park with her. All of these additional attempts only serve to highlight just what a miracle she is.

6 comments:

  1. Megan, I started following your journey a few years ago as I was about to go through IVF. As I did my research, I came across your blog. I was immediately inspired. And when you had Autumn, I celebrated with you -- hoping your happy ending would be mine. I'm happy to say that we did. Our son was born in October and he couldn't be more perfect. We were fortunate to have 4 embryos left over. But I think we are done. It took us 7 years to achieve parenthood. Our ups, downs, BFNs, pills, surgeries, injections, depression -- it all hurt so much. To reach our dream was amazing. Personally, I want to end on a high note. I don't know if we will be lucky enough to have another happy, healthy baby. I love being "the three bears" as we've nicknamed ourselves. I say all of this to you because you were my inspiration. I think you are right, Baby A is your miracle. Being a family of 3 is turning out to be awesome for us. If you are ever in the Austin area, feel free to reach out. I'd love to buy you a round of margaritas and queso. All the best to you 3, regardless what you decide as your next step in your journey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Somehow I missed your comment until now. I'm here with my husband and just read it to him aloud. We are both beyond touched. I have to say, knowing that you have embryos left but are considering remaining the 3 bears makes me feel better, somehow. Things are so good now ...and another baby would change that dynamic. Thank you for your kind words and please update me when you can. Congratulations on your little boy. And I will definately let you know if we're ever in Austin. Xoxo

      Delete
  2. I am so, so sorry, Megan. I wish I knew what to say. You guys have tried really hard and I wish so much it had gone differently. I wish I could do something to help.Lots of love, Kristin Joy (Kj)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Kristin. Reminding myself that God has a plan. Xo

      Delete
  3. I am so sorry this did not work. You have the most perfect precious little girl :)

    ReplyDelete