Because the important moments in life just don’t fit in a status update! I started this blog when I was training for my first ½ Ironman, (70.3 miles) to record what I hoped would be growth and progress but ended up being a huge learning experience. Although fitness is one of the key ingredients to a happy life, it certainly isn't the only ingredient. My blog has evolved to document growth, progress and setbacks in other areas too. From my surprise proposal in Rome and wedding in the fall of 2013, to Mom's devastating stage IV cancer diagnosis and death 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. Who knows what shape it will take, but thanks for being along for the ride.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

BFN: Big.Fat.Negative.

Before my doctor called yesterday around noon with the negative test results, I told myself I "knew" it would be negative because of my two failed home pregnancy tests. But it wasn't until I picked up the phone and could tell by the tone in his voice that my heart sank. I guess I had been holding out hope after all. 

Luckily, the school year is almost over and yesterday was an early out. As my husband and I were driving home (we are fortunate to work at the same school), he assured me this is just part of our story. In the 7 months we have been married, we've been through a lot and I believe it is pulling us closer and providing us with a much more solid foundation than if everything were hunky dory. In a few years, I think we'll look back and be amazed at what we went through.

He then agreed to go on a 3 mile run with me, something he hates doing. I have to talk him into it when he's feeling well, and right now he's sick and I only had to ask once. He knows that running is my panacea. I don't always like running, but I love how I feel when I'm done. It has been so tough not being able to exercise at all during this two week wait, because running is my go-to activity when I'm stressed or sad.

Yesterday, before our run.

And so we set out on our run, knowing that this problem would seem a little smaller when we finished. I tell my students "You get magic chemicals in your brain that make you feel better when you exercise" (endorphins) and I do practice what I preach.

Thanks to the advice from some awesome TTC women on instagram who are in the same boat as me, we started formulating our next mode of attack: IVF abroad, where costs are much lower and, you get a vacation out of it! For what we just paid, we could have had two or three trips to the Czech Republic at THIS facility. We are also looking into a place in Cancun, and have a phone consult appointment today. They even offer a warranty: If your 1st treatment doesn't work, your second one is free. There are also clinical trials, like this one, that pay for the majority of the IVF cycle!

So, hope is on the horizon. But I still hate waking up the day after bad news. It hits you all over again, and this morning was no exception. "I'm not pregnant" was the first thing on my mind at 5am. So instead of laying there thinking, Trevi and I went on a 3 mile walk. I am determined to get in the best shape of my life this summer, so that when I finally do have a baby bump, it'll be a really cute one. Onward and upward, right? What else can you do.


12 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear! Best of luck to you guys!! I've heard of IVF abroad lots online and I'm surprised more people don't do it. Maybe check out Germany too.. although Cancun would be the least amount of travel! And so beautiful!

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear that this round didn't work out. Please don't lose hope! This abroad IVF does sound like a nice combination of travel and maybe a baby!

    Also, I am totally with you - running is absolutely my therapy and I *never* regret going on a run. Good for you for knowing how to best take care of yourself!

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    1. Thank you, I appreciate your support, fellow runner girl! :)

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  3. You've got a good attitude, girl! And anything that combines IVF with a fun trip sounds good to me!

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    1. Thanks! You as well! This sounds pretty amazing - they have several throughout the US - one in SF http://www.havingbabies.com/blog-list/new-3-500-ivf-clinical-study-at-hrc-encino/

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  4. Nate's right this is part of the story. Happy you're staying present and loving yourself and each other. Baby is around the corner and you will look back on this as just a stepping stone.

    xo
    Liz

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    1. Thank you, Liz. We need to make summer plans! xo

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  5. I'm so sorry for your BFN. It's a good thing to have such a healthy coping mechanism when you get down. I'm interested in learning more about IVF abroad! I'll be following to see what you decide and hoping for a BFP for you very soon :)

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    1. Thank you, Jessica. I'm leaning more towards this if I can get in it's only $3,500 INCLUDING meds! http://theivystudy.com/default.aspx

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  6. Sorry about your BFN, but you have a great attitude about it. Just think about how jealous the other moms will be when you're sporting your future baby bump on a hot bod and they're not.

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    1. Aww, thanks!!! As much as I dislike running, it feels great to be able to do it again! Starting weight training too!

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