Prepared for a BFN

“Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.” – Anonymous English Proverb

BFN = Big Fat Negative in IVF lingo, and I'm preparing myself for that result on July 3rd. But a lot will happen between now and then.

This morning, I had blood-work and my second ultrasound to look at how my follicles are growing. I have 9 now, down only 1 from last week's 10. Remember, 3 years ago I had 8 at this point...so things are looking good. Two of them are small, but could still catch up. I added Centrotide injections yesterday morning, and will continue for two more days. Centrotide prevents me from ovulating while the other follicles continue to grow. 

Tonight (6/12), tomorrow (6/13) and the next night (6/14), I will inject 375 IU of Gonal-F and 75 IU of Menopur.

Then, I'll administer my trigger shot (Ovidrel) at 9:40 p.m. on that last night of injections. This has to be given 35 hours prior to my egg retrieval, which is scheduled for Friday the 16th at 8:40 a.m.

6/15 - I begin taking Doxycycline
6/16 - egg retrieval
6/17 - start Crinone, Estrace and medrol dose pack. No more injections, yay!
6/19 - embryo transfer (provided we have any embryos) at 10am.

I'll be on complete bed rest on 6/19, 6/20, 6/21. I am not even supposed to shower, and can sit up only to eat. Since these are weekdays, we will leave Baby A at daycare a little later...probably until 5pm. Because I have never left her beyond my working hours, this will be tough on me. But it minimizes my husband having to keep her occupied and mostly away from me while in the house. Like last time, we'll put the guest mattress on the floor, removing the box spring and frame. This way, she will have easy access to me. But she loves to climb on me and even lay on top of me, which we can't allow her to do. I am not supposed to have any pressure on my abdomen...not even even snug pants! So when I'm spending time with her, my husband will have to be there too.

Bed rest always sounds good in theory and then drives me crazy about 3 hours in. But this time, I'll have the house mostly to myself all day which is nice. Last time, two of the days fell on the weekend and it was hard to hear her playing in the next room or outside and not be able to join in. I have three books to read, a ton of People magazines, a 'Memories for my Child" book to fill out, and am very much looking forward to watching multiple movies - something I never have time for. Honestly, its been years since I watched a movie at home.

After the transfer of embryos (again, if we have any) we have to wait 2 whole weeks for the blood test to find out if it worked, and if an embryo implanted. The dreaded 2 week wait. This will be July 3rd. I am preparing myself mentally for the pregnancy test to come back negative. There is a 90% chance that it will be negative, and only a 10% chance that it will be positive. 

While I desperately want it to work, I am already highlighting the advantages of it being negative, and reminding myself of these points daily:

1. We will be able to go to Oregon this summer for 3 weeks and see family. If the test is positive, I won't be able to go, and my husband will have to go for less time. I really want to see Uncle Don and possibly Aunt Nancy. Also TJ and Bex are going, and Baby A would get some quality cousin time.
2. Seeing Bex and TJ in DC next April. I love my husband's brother and his wife, but they're far away. We saw them briefly this weekend, but before that, Baby A was 3 months old when we last got together. If I'm not pregnant, we'll be able to fly and stay with them for a few days, then go to Oglebay where my husband's grandparent's went on several dates. I love the family history and the idea of staying at a nice resort in West Virginia. 
3. Germany and Austria next summer! Bertchesgarten is a German town in the Bavarian Alps, on the Austrian boarder. Salzberg is only 11 miles away. We're hoping to spend just over a week in both. 
4. Private high school, at approximately $20,000 per year is feasible with one child, but not likely with two.
5. Baby A would inherit everything we own, not split it with a sibling. We could hopefully set her up to be able to contribute to a family through rental income equivalent to my salary, so that working would be a choice for her, not a necessity.
6. Having just one child also allows us to keep a better pace with traveling.

In addition to reminding myself of the advantages, I am also making plans following the test results. If they're negative, I will:

1. Go for a run. I did this when our first IVF results were negative, and it helped me tremendously. There was a lot more at stake that first time because my Mom was dying of cancer, and we did not already have a child.
2. Go for another run the next day, and the one after that. Sign up for a half marathon in the fall. 
3. Camping. Reservations are all set for the same week I get the results.
4. Bike riding with Baby A on the back of my husband's bike. 
5. Swim lessons with Baby A.
6. Possibly adopting another dog. My husband and I are searching for a breed we both like. 

So here's to hoping that I can't do a half marathon this fall, send Baby A to a private high school, spend quality time with family in Oregon this summer or see the Bavarian Alps anytime soon.